I just lost my oldest friend, the composer, poet and writer Joanna Brouk. We were young artists in the halcyon years of Berkeley, and her art has travelled with me across the years. Joanna was one of the early composers of synthesizer music, and she worked at Mills College and the University of California in the early 70's, and she was one the early collaborators of the Hearts of Space radio show. I remember her "Gong Piece", a beautiful work using a Japanese gong.........I had a copy of it on reel to reel tape, and carried that around for years until it finally disintegrated. She and I and another friend, Felicia, collaborated on a book of poems, and it was my delight to reconnect with Joanna many years later, in 2011.
Since then we've visited several times a year, and I've watched Joanna's music be re-discovered (she was invited to perform in France this Spring), as well as she was finally ready to release the first edition of her "Lost Eros" books, a project she was excited about. Creativity was flowing for Joanna, it was my privilege to experience her inspiration and enthusiasm, and it seems impossible that that conversation is suddenly not to be continued. But what I find I remember best.......the two of us just sitting on the beach, watching the pelicans come home. Or watching movies with popcorn. Or working on her garden, hauling humongous bricks around. I remember she had a bee hive in a tree, and I was planning on visiting in the summer, to see how the garden was coming along with the new improvements.
"Joanna Hearing Music"
In a recent release of one of her albums I heard the sound of a woman's voice singing - and suddenly remembered that was me, singing at the bottom of the stairwell at Kroeber Hall, while she recorded me, 45 years ago. The last time I saw her she visited me in February for the Gem show, and was excited about going to France for a concert. We talked about the book she was working on, how weird it was to be growing old. We were sure we had more adventures ahead......
I remember Joanna used to say that she just "heard the music of the spheres" and she did strange abstract drawings trying to "write down" what she heard. In many ways her music was an effort to re-member that music that was already there. The same with her poems, which she said were more about "the space in-between than the actual words". She's fine, I know, but I feel grief for her son. And for me. Grief is always really about us, the ones who are left behind.
I don't know how to honor her except to share a bit of what she contributed to the world, the world she was a true artist in: a pollinator of souls.
light
light
light of morning
the fairest light, the fairest light
has come
softly, I feel its coming
night has given
night has given
a place to morning
breath returns and moistens
the grass the birds feather
no longer do I hide
no longer do I hide
gone into darkness
Happy May Day to all! (I don't jump around fires much any more, but I hope all of you are) And great photos from the Edinburgh Beltaine Festival!
Some good words about this sacred day from Celestial Elf Blog:
http://celestialelfdanceoflife.blogspot.com/2011/03/beltane-blessing-beannachadh-bealtain.html The Beltane Festival Beltane or Beltane is the Gaelic name for the festival that begins on April the 30th or Beltane's eve and continues on 1st May and is a celebration of purification and fertility. The name originates from the Celtic god, Bel - the 'bright one', and the Gaelic word 'teine' meaning fire, giving the name 'bealttainn', meaning 'bright fire'. Marking the beginning of the Summer season with the lighting of two great bon-fires on Beltane's eve signifies a time of purification and transition, these fires may be made of the nine sacred woods, Alder, Ash, Birch, Hawthorn, Hazel, Holly, Oak, Rowan and Willow. Heralding in the season in the hope of a good harvest later in the year, Beltane festivals were accompanied with ritual acts to protect the people from any harm by Otherworldly spirits. Significantly, as the Goddess (Brigid) moves through her various phases, Beltane sees the womanly aspect of the Summer Goddess banish the Old Crone aspect of the Winter Goddess in readiness for the maternal time and the fruits of nature to follow. As this is one of the magic turning points of the Sacred Seasons, the veil between worlds is thought to be especially thin, and as a result many of the Fairy Host, the Sidhe and the Tuatha De Danann may be seen crossing between the worlds. Particularly, the Faery Queen is thought to travel about on this night and if you gaze too long on her enchanted beauty she may whisk you away to live in her Other realms outside of time for an eternity. The Faery Queen also represents the May Queen, although in practice the honor is usually carried out by young women who are soon to be married.
The May Queen at Beltane Along with her May King, mythically a Jack in The Green, the Green Man or Horned God, is to take part in the Great Rite and so Open the way for the Summer. This is the Sacred Marriage of the God and Goddess, often reenacted by a symbolic union during which the Athame (magical knife symbolizing male energy) is placed by the King of May into the Chalice (Sacred Cup symbolizing female energy) held by the Queen of the May. For a more detailed account of how this ritual was enacted in earlier time, I refer the reader to Marrion Zimmer Bradley's moving account in her fiction The Mists of Avalon. Following this union which serves to Open the way to the Summer Lands, festivities ensue, particularly that of dancing around the May Pole. The May Pole itself is a symbol of the union of the God and the Goddess, as the red ribbons represent the fertility of the Goddess, the white represent the fertility of the God. Men begin the weaving by dancing under the upheld ribbon of the first women facing them, accompanied by music, drums beating or chanting. The dancers move forward, stepping alternately over and under each person who’s dancing toward them. The dance continues until the Maypole is completely wrapped, then the ribbons are tied off and the wreath from the top is tossed to the earth to bring its gathered power into the ground. Whilst such public festivals are not as widespread as they once were, famously at Padstow in Cornwall there still is held an annual 'Obby-Oss' day, which is believed to be one of the oldest survivng fertility rites in the United Kingdom. St. Ives and Penzance in Cornwall are now also seeing a revival of similar public festivities. Beltane Lore During Medieval times, a man might also propose marriage by leaving a hawthorn branch at the door of his beloved on the first day of May. If the branch was allowed to remain at her door, it was a signal that the proposal was accepted. If it was replaced with a cauliflower, the proposal was turned down. The Celtic Moon month of Hawthorn is the time for lovers to attend to matters of the heart, as the Celtic fire festival of Beltane heralds the start of summer. Crosses of birch and rowan twigs were hung over doors on the May morning as a blessing and protection, and left until next May day. The dew on the May day morning is believed to have a magical potency - wash your face and body in it and you will remain fair all year. Going 'A-Maying' meant staying out all night to gather flowering hawthorn, watching the sunrise and making love in the woods, also known as a 'greenwood marriage'
Oh, do not tell the Priest our plight, Or he would call it a sin; But we have been out in the woods all night, A-conjuring Summer in!
Then what is the answer? Not to be deluded by dreams. To know the great civilizations
have broken down into violence, and their tyrants come, many times before. When open violence appears, to avoid it with honor or choose the least ugly faction; these evils are essential. To keep one’s own integrity, be merciful and uncorrupted and not wish for evil; and not be duped by dreams of universal justice or happiness. These dreams will not be fulfilled. To know this, and know that however ugly the parts appear the whole remains beautiful. A severed hand is an ugly thing, and man dissevered from the earth and stars and his history... for contemplation or in fact... appears atrociously ugly. Integrity is wholeness, the greatest beauty is organic wholeness, the wholeness of life and all things, the divine beauty of the universe. Love that, not man Apart from that or else you will share man’s pitiful confusions, or drown in despair when his days darken.
photo by MicStephens
I've been trying to find a way to articulate what I feel for a long time now. This past year especially, I've found myself overwhelmed with the destruction of the environment, and the immanent changes that are upon us. Our global civilization, with all its promise, and yet just in its infancy, increasingly looks like a runaway train. To mature, in the little time that has been given us, to meet the challenges of climate change and our evolution and promise as a common humanity on a small planet.......how to sustain that dream?
Now that the U.S. has put Trump*** and what he represents into power, I despair. He and his Republican regime are calling global warming "A Chinese hoax" even as the poles are melting, the permafrost is melting, and islands are disappearing. They pound their chests and threaten nuclear war as they withdraw the U.S. from the Paris Accord, prepare to end the Environmental Protection Agency, the Clean Energy Act, renew the pipelines that leak poison into our rivers. I watch America become dismantled, our Constitution increasingly broken, the tyrant minds of greed and violence like the Dark Lord of Tolkien's books overtaking America. Yes, that despair I've been feeling for a long time has deepened, and I find myself increasingly asking myself, "How do I live in these times?"
Every generation, perhaps, has to ask that. Or perhaps not. Perhaps many generations behind me lived with a surety of continuity in their families, countries, tribes, environments, that, even if not true (because change is the only constant), was true for their time. But I have lived in an extraordinary time, when change is too rapid to assimilate, and not only our tribes and nations are threatened, but our very planet, the Mother Earth we take as the ultimate constant.........is changing, is threatened. And humanity, for all of our beauty and brilliance, is still in its infancy.
It's always been with me, this "Before the Deluge" (which is also an important movie) mentality. It took different forms, but it was always there, the shadow that hung over my generation, born just after WWII with its inconceivable violence, and in the shadow of the nuclear bomb. For all the prosperity of the 50's, we knew what horror humanity was capable of, and we knew life was tenuous. I remember the surrealism of the "get under your desk" exercises, the Cold War, and the bomb shelter my father made in the closet, with a barrel of water and stacks of canned beans and tuna fish. It was always there, the Shadow.
Berkeley was ahead of its time, and in 1970 I remember taking recycled bags to the Food Co-op. We spoke of "voluntary simplicity", and of Zero Population Growth, and in 1973 I had a tubal ligation so I would not contribute further to the problem. We fought for the redwoods, we talked about growing our own vegetables, and we marched, and marched. We marched against Vietnam, we marched for Women's Rights and birth control and abortion, we marched for Free Speech, and we began to march increasingly for the Environment. People did sit down strikes at the nuclear power stations that so dangerously sat atop California fault lines, they chained themselves to old growth redwoods to keep forests from being clear cut. I saw the evolution of the Women's Movement and the evolution of Environmentalism, and then the evolution of Eco-feminism, which saw the profound relationship between the two evolutionary threads. I remember when Time Magazine did its Endangered Earth edition in 1989. Almost 20 years later in 2006 I saw the former Vice President of the U.S., Al Gore, produce "An Inconvenient Truth", shown in all major theatres. Not much changed.
I've come to agree with the founders of the Dark Mountain Project, and their Manifesto. Our civilization is not sustainable, our worldwide economic system is manifestly unethical, and our descendants cannot have the hope and privilege we have known. And as I say that I acknowledge that the majority of human beings on this planet have never had the hope and privilege that I have. The question is, how do you live with that?
For myself, I'm going to focus on what I love, and hope to learn to be a loving person in the time that I am granted here. And I aspire to live in as much simplicity and gratitude as I may. Despair, anger, polarization, none of this is helping me. My work has always been an effort to share Her image, in many different forms and with many different faces. I'll continue to make my shrines, and reliquaries, and words of praise to Her, in all of Gaia's vast diversity and indescribable beauty. It has been a privilege to live within Gaia, and a privilege to live in this time. It has been a privilege to live. Let my life become a prayer of gratitude, and perhaps some of those threads will go forward to those who are yet to come. Perhaps they will not curse all of us. But we'll never know.
A manifesto for change
"The Dark Mountain Project is a network of writers, artists and thinkers who have stopped believing the stories our civilization tells itself. We produce and seek out writing, art and culture rooted in place, time and nature."
The Dark Mountain Project was initially created as a journal by the former deputy editor of the Ecologist, Paul Kingsnorth. He and colleagues became disillusioned with the narratives of environmentalism, and so they decided to write their own. Eventually this evolved into a large artistic, literary, and scientific community, as well as workshops and the "Uncivilization Festivals". As he explains:
"Out of this huddle came a slim, self-published pamphlet that we called Uncivilisation: the Dark Mountain Manifesto. It was a clarion call to those who, like us, did not believe that the future would be an upgraded version of the present, and who wanted to help forge a new cultural response to the human predicament. It called for a clear-sighted view of humanity's true place in the world. We had no idea if this would resonate, but it did - all over the world. We sold hundreds of manifestos and attracted enthusiastic support from thousands of people. A movement began to coalesce. What was most fascinating – and telling – about it was the common thread running through it. So many of the communications we received were from people who professed a profound sense of relief. They too had been going through the motions about 'saving the planet' but had long since stopped believing it. Coming across other people who didn't believe it either, and who wanted to forge a new way of looking at the future, got a lot of people very excited.
To me, this is the most exciting thing about the Dark Mountain Project. It has brought together people from all over the world, from varied backgrounds – writers, poets, illustrators, engineers, scientists, woodworkers, teachers, songwriters, farmers – all of whom are tied together by a shared vision. It is a vision that a few years back would have seemed heretical to many greens, but which is now gaining wide traction as the failure of humanity to respond to the crises it has created becomes increasingly obvious. Together we are able to say it loud and clear: we are not going to 'save the planet'. The planet is not ours to save. The planet is not dying; but our civilisation might be, and neither green technology nor ethical shopping is going to prevent a serious crash."
*Much of Jeffers' poetry was written in narrative and epic form, but he is also known for his shorter verse and is considered an icon of the environmental movement. Influential in some circles, despite or because of his philosophy of "inhumanism", Jeffers believed that transcending conflict required human concerns to be de-emphasized in favor of the boundless whole. This led him to oppose U.S. participation in World War II, a stand that was controversial after the U.S. entered the war
James Lovelock, with biologist Lynn Margulis, developed the Gaia Hypothesis, which is now Gaia Theory. After the massive outpouring of support for the sciences and climate change research from yesterday's Earth Day marches around the U.S. and in Washington, D.C., I felt like honoring their work. They offered a new, and yet very ancient, one might say "original" paradigm to the scientific community, and to the world. Gaia theory is widely accepted by the Earth Sciences community, and certainly Gaia captured the imagination and hearts of many others in my generation - to artists, mythologists, philosophers and theologians. Lovelock proposed that the Earth is a living being, self-regulating, interdependant in all its systems, responsive to change. And we participate in that organism's evolution. "Once upon a time the Word for World was Mother."
I re-found this delightful Telling from Celtic Mythology by the great Bard, Robin Williamson, with images of Silbury Hill, which I once Circled..... and just had to share it again.
"Everyone
carries a Shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's
conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an
unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions. One does
not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the
darkness conscious."
Carl Jung
"You must go into the dark in order to
bring forth your light. When we suppress any feeling or impulse, we are
also suppressing its polar opposite. If we deny our ugliness, we lessen
our beauty. If we deny our fear, we minimize our courage. If we deny our
greed, we also reduce our generosity. Our full magnitude is more than
most of us can ever imagine.”
Debbie Ford
I was remembering "The Shadow Effect" (see trailer below about the movie), which was mostly narrated by, and based on, the work of psychologist Debbie Ford, who wrote "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers", a book I've liked since I discovered it in the late 90's. I enjoyed the movie, particularly the appearances of Deepak Chopra and James Van Praagh. I admire Debbie Ford's work, although I have to confess, all that hugging in the workshops would no doubt drive me up a wall. I'm just not a hugger. And sometimes I get annoyed by the "do these exercises, make this realization, and you'll fulfill your destiny and be all you can be" idea..........I don't really believe in destiny any more, and trying to "be all you can be" can have some serious setbacks, like exhaustion, arrogance, and self-delusion. Which is "shadow", now that I think about it. Sometimes the prize is not about getting richer, more love, or a better job, not about "getting" anything - it's about deepening our souls, and in the end, that's all that matters. But I'm a crank sometimes, and what this movie has to say is nevertheless vital, pragmatically, personally, and collectively, because it's about the essence of integral consciousness.
"The well of your joy is as deep as the well of your sorrow"
Kalil Gibran
I've often written aboutthe importance of the The Dark Goddess,
and the importance of the Dark Goddess to all of planetary life now.
In other words, it's urgent that we develop true compassion for
ourselves, and thus, each other, holistic compassion. As individuals, the scales of Maat tip when too much
of ourselves are unconscious, hidden away in the so-called "shadow"
aspects of psyche. That's the true meaning of balance.
Perhaps
I should begin with one of my own "shadow" aspects, the "victim"
archetype. I felt like sharing the following quote from Carolyn Myss because I
agree with some (not all) of her observations about what she called "woundology".
"One
day, in passing, I introduced a friend of mine to two gentlemen I was
talking with. Within two minutes, my friend managed to let these
men know that she was an incest survivor. Her admission had
nothing whatsoever to do with the conversation we'd been having,
and what I realized was that she was using her wounds as leverage.
She had defined herself by a negative experience. In workshops
and in daily life I saw that, rather than working to get beyond
their wounds, people were using them as social currency. They were
confusing the therapeutic value of self-expression with permission
to manipulate others or define themselves with their wounds. Who
would want to leave that behind? Health never commands so much
clout!"
I want to comment first, as she does, that actual victimization, and
the psychic wounds that arise from these experiences, should not be
negated, nor should the "blame the victim" phenomenon ever be allowed to occur. Further, a sense of victimhood can be learned from our
parents, and can have roots that extend far back into family and
cultural history. Having said that, I also believe, from my own
experience in therapy, that healing and self-understanding comes from
being able to tell our painful stories,and by the telling we can integrate those stories into the larger story, developing compassion for ourselves and strength from those experiences. We "fore-give", and move fore-ward. The question of
whether this role is a shadow issue arises when one lingers in the role of "victim" because it is
familiar, and more importantly, it has great power because it allows one to avoid responsibility for anything, and even provides a kind
of social currency with others. To put it another way - you can't win with such a "victim".
In the past few years, entering my 60's and becoming a SAGA (no "crone" for me. Saga is so much better, a Finnish derived word that means both "old woman" and "long story")
I've been noticing how much the "victim" or "wounded" archetype has big
real estate in our world, as well as my own past persona. It's a shadow aspect that is rarely spoken
about, because, frankly, it has so much leverage and ambiguity attached to it. I've also had to
notice that there are individual interactions with people and groups
that are about supporting each other's insecurities - and success,
leadership, or individual accomplishments can be punishable by
ostracism. Believe me, I've been in circles with "victims" (myself included) that could deflate any natural leader or brilliant contributor in no time flat, and continually reduced the group to a comfy "circle of mediocrity".
Shadow Work is harsh. I think a stubbornly internalized and
unrealized need to retain the role of "victim" is on the same page as
the unconscious need to dis-empower or denigrate the perceived gifts and
strengths of others. We cannot afford to
genuinely victimize ourselves by clinging to the exhaustive role of
"victim" at a certain point in the quest for maturity - equally, we
cannot afford to "make ourselves small" and hide our light so that
others will "like" us, nor unconsciously coerce this tyranny on others
so we won't feel "threatened". Empowerment is like the symbol of the
Tree of Life - as above, so below, as without, so within. The roots run deep, into dark waters.
"He governs the flowing of all waters, and the ebbing, the courses of all rivers and the replenishment of springs, the distilling of all dews and rain in every land beneath the sky. In the deep places, He gives thought to music great and terrible; and the echo of that music runs through all the veins of the world in sorrow and in joy; for if joyful is the fountain that rises in the sun, its springs are in the wells of sorrow unfathomed at the foundations of the Earth." J.R.R. Tolkein, "The Silmarillion"
